Some of us believe that we can only learn from our successful action. We tried very hard avoiding mistakes by following rules and regulations. We are human, human make mistakes, it is impossible not to make any mistakes at all. Thus we actually learned more from mistakes as compare to our successful action.
The case is very true in my life. When I was in secondary school, I wanted so much to be an architect. It’s a prestigious job. Architect earned a lot of money. So I enrolled in an architecture twinning program. Sad to say I don’t do well during my first year, It is difficult for me to transform my idea into model and drawings. My lecturer told me that I cannot handle criticism very well. I was so upset and going through under a lot of pressure and it cost me on my mental health.
At the age of 23, I was diagnoses of heaving bipolar disorder. It took me so many years of treatment, going through religious therapy, psychoanalysis session and reading a lot on psychology article. But still I don’t understand why I feel so upset with my life. Until one day I watched movie entitle Beautiful mind. It gives me a clearer picture on what is it known as delusional, paranoia.
Only after that, I fully understood my illness. I found versus in quran urging us not be so suspicious with each other. I was in my mid 30’s. Only then I realised what my lecturer’s mean by saying that I cannot handle criticism well. When they critics my work I think that they hate me and want me to quit from doing architecture. I am not good enough to be an architect. I am worthless. I was born looser.
After I realize that I shouldn’t take any criticism too hard then I start to think that I am intelligent enough to further my territory education and go back to school not studying architecture but accounting as I worked as Accountant Assistant in a government sector. I took a half pay leave and become a full time student in Multimedia University Ayer Keroh. Melaka. I pass with flying colour and now I doing a Degree in Accounting in Open university on part time basis.
As my academic progress becoming improving, I gain confident in my life. I still go through medical treatment at Hospital Besar Melaka. I also feel confident to share with my friend that I am receiving treatment at the hospital. Even though I still find that my supervisor don’t really have confident in me, assigning me with jobs that I feel less challenging to my knowledge, skill and experience, it do not make me overly upset about it. Sometimes, I do feel sad about the stigma that still exist in our society but that doesn’t deter me from withdrawing myself from the society. Yes, people still do not understand our illness but as long as we keep quiet, don’t attacked people (verbally), do our job at our best level, in the end they will respect and accept me, as who I am.
In conclusion I learn from my mistakes and from there I learned to accept my shortcoming, and also learned not to take criticism at heart. I also learn some critics are not worth listing to. Through this process, I gain a lot of interesting information about psychology and it helps me becoming a likeable person at my work place.